Ocd and Listening to the Same Song Over and Over Again
« Blog By Grant Brecheisen
This story is function of our blog series called "Stories from the OCD Customs." Stories from the community are submitted and edited by Toni Palombi. If yous are interested in sharing your story you lot can view submission details at www.iocdf.org/ocd-stories.
I was diagnosed with obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD) at historic period 20. I first sought treatment in March 2017 considering I was non functioning while in college due to the farthermost compulsions that my OCD controlled.
OCD has negatively impacted many aspects of my life including my human relationship with music. As I write this, my Apple music app is on shuffle on a playlist that I initially created for driving. Despite enjoying listening to music while I drive, the playlist quickly became the most frequent form of exposure therapy of my life.
I love the experience of music. It evokes memories and emotions. Some songs take me back to certain experiences: the moment I found out I got into higher or asking someone out. I even get goosebumps listening to music. Wait. That'southward my OCD in action, right? Well, yes.
Over fourth dimension, I discovered that music fuels my OCD. Information technology is fueled past certain moments in songs, certain riffs, certain chords. How does that manifest into a compulsion? Through constantly irresolute the songs. I experience the force per unit area to change the music to the right vocal at the right time. Thoughts intrude into the melodies compelling me to change the tune. Before I know it, I've inverse the song twelve times.
Another compulsion is: I randomly shuffle all the songs until information technology gets to a certain song instead of merely selecting that song to play in the offset place. While I tin easily scroll down and select any song, information technology doesn't feel right; I will merely experience the goosebumps if the song randomly plays via shuffle. For case, allow's say I showtime the playlist on shuffle way, only I take already decided what song I want to listen to – I shuffle repeatedly until I finally reach that vocal. However, in one case it finally plays, it feels skilful merely momentarily; my OCD wants me to land on the vocal over and over once again. In this way, the OCD is being fed.
To me, feeding my OCD is like fueling a motorcar. A car needs gasoline in society to run. In the same style, OCD needs me to land on that song in club to "run" and move on from my obsessive thoughts. It is a painful bike.
While OCD will stay with me for the rest of my life, the pain of OCD can exist lessened if I challenge the OCD and fight the pain.
And then, how exercise I challenge this situation? I plow the situation into an exposure (every bit part of exposure therapy). I press shuffle on the playlist and and so put my phone downwards on the center console and don't impact it until I attain my destination. I allow the songs to randomly play; this requires me to tolerate the doubtfulness of the random selections of the songs. I say "no" to OCD. It'due south difficult, just y'all get the hang of it.
OCD will endeavor to get its hands on the smallest things in life, like playing music in your car. Don't let information technology. You must say no; you must fight. You will survive. I accept survived because I am potent, and I have learnt to challenge my OCD at every opportunity. Y'all can too.
Grant Brecheisen attends Florida State Academy and is a theatre major. He continues to receive OCD treatment at NeuroBehavioral Establish in Weston, FL, where he was built-in and raised.
Source: https://iocdf.org/blog/2018/12/14/the-compulsion-of-music/
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